I think it happens in any group of friends.
Somebody becomes the screw-up.
I remember when one of my friends started distancing himself from the group the two of us were in, and it looking back, I can see why.
Nobody was giving him permission to change.
When he tried to stop being a screw-up, it upset the dynamic of the group. Suddenly we didn't have our black sheep anymore, and we didn't react well.
There were times when I felt like we almost willed him to fail.
And when he did fail, you could tell we were all relieved.
None of us ever did anything to help him elevate himself. We would say--
"Well, we're his friends"
--Even though being his friends meant we were only keeping him exactly where he was.
Obviously, I don't think we did any of this consciously, but nevertheless, there were more than a few opportunities for us to break past the roles we'd established for each other.
Today I was thinking about that, and I also thought about all the times I felt like I was down and couldn't get up, and how lucky I was to have people say--
"What do you need? How can I help?"
Most of the time all I needed was to hear that I wasn't a failure--that I had done the wrong thing or said the wrong thing, but that I could make it right, and move on.
I needed permission to change who I was in that moment.
Maybe that's something we can all do--figure out who in our lives needs that permission and give it to them.
You never know what can give someone to boost they need to change.
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