I have a saying--
Yup, that's right. My very own saying.
"Anger makes you dumb. Envy makes you smart."
What I mean by that is most of the time when we think we're angry, we're really just jealous.
When somebody hurts my feelings, I usually respond with "What the f**k were you thinking?"
I'm hurt.
I'm disappointed.
I'm offended.
Usually my response to these feelings isn't very intelligent, because I'm so hurt I can't formulate my thoughts.
When I'm envious on the other hand, my remarks are usually cutting and incredibly mean-spirited.
That's because when you're jealous, you're not really hurt. So you have plenty of time and emotional distance to come up with nasty comments.
I would say of everyone I know, my dad is the most jealous person I've ever met.
Considering I do theater and my dad doesn't, that's really saying something.
For the longest time, I just thought my dad was angry all the time. Then I realized it was envy.
And I realized that I probably inherited that sense of entitlement from him.
Why shouldn't I get whatever I want?
Why should other people be rewarded over me?
What about my acclaim?
Not exactly the questions you want swimming around in your head.
I remember seeing Tom Hanks on a talk show right when "American Beauty" came out. He was talking about how envious he was that he wasn't in the movie.
It was the first time I had ever heard anybody come right out and say--I'm pissed because I really wanted to be a part of that, but good for them anyway.
I've been thinking a lot about Mr. Hanks lately, because I think most of the time when I'm not being nice, it's because I'm being envious.
And what's the best way to cure envy?
'Fess up to it.
I find that when I come right out and say "I'm so jealous of you" it's a lot easier to then follow it up with "Congratulations."
I feel like envy relies on you not speaking of it, that's how it grows stronger.
Now when I cop to it, I can actually feel it deflate inside myself.
And I'm a lot nicer because of it.
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