In addition to figuring out that on any given day, I think about seventy-three nasty things, I now know that I have a new fear.
Silence.
Everyone's been advising me to take up meditation and yoga, so today I tried the Beginner course.
I maintained silence in my car.
Wait, hear me out.
On an old episode of Oprah (yup, I'm going there) an expert on parenting advised a dad to leave his radio off on the way home from work.
He said it would give him time to reflect on his day, decompress, and enjoy some silence. That way, when he arrived home to two screaming children, he wouldn't be so irritated, because he would have already gotten his fix of silence.
It changed the man's life, so why not try it?
How did it go?
Not well.
On a short trip today, I left the radio off and the windows up, and tried keeping the negative thoughts at bay.
I wanted to see what would pop into my head.
What did?
Let's see...
How can I describe it...
You know the New York Stock Exchange ticker? Imagine that, but going eight times as fast.
Ishouldreallywriteafulllengthplaywhenisthatbookdueishouldreadsomemoretonightimbehindonmyreadingyouknowwhatshowishouldgetintocalifornicationibetiwouldlikeitandineedtostartlearninglineswhyarethekardashianspopularcanipretendtobeoneandthengetmyownshowihavedarkbrownhairisitmondayikeepforgettingbecauseitsaholidaythedowisdowntwentypointsyouknowwhatplayidliketoproduce--
Imagine that all the way to Thayer Street.
I know when you meditate you're supposed to reflect on things, but I was just looking for a few minutes of inner tranquility.
Is that impossible?
Maybe I have a hard time being nice because deep down I'm going fifty over the speed limit twenty-four seven.
FRIEND: Maybe you're just doing it wrong.
ME: When are you quiet?
FRIEND: In the morning when I'm trying to remember how I got inside the Panera.
ME: I'd love to be quiet.
FRIEND: I thought you were over this whole 'quiet means nice' thing?
ME: I am, but I could use a sense of serenity.
FRIEND: You know, they have pills for that.
ME: How do--
FRIEND: I've heard...from my dealer...
Maybe I should just limit my phone conversations.
That might free up some quiet time.
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