Day #20: But It Sucks

I realized that a phrase I used in one of my entries this week may actually be my new mantra when things get in tough.

"But it sucks."

I felt bad about complaining this week when so many people have it worse.

Yet, I didn't want to deny what I was feeling, or turn self-deprecating and tell myself that I have no right to be upset.

I couldn't find the happy medium.

Then, there it was:

"But it sucks."

Now I can say, I'm glad I'm healthy. I'm glad I have a great support system. I'm glad most of my problems will be gone by this time next year.

But for now, it still sucks.

Strangely, though I thought chanting this would make me feel worse or more pitiable, it actually made me feel good.

I was acknowledging what I was feeling, keeping myself in perspective, and letting out some frustration.

And I wasn't being mean to anyone. I was just saying that the situation I found myself in--well--sucked.

It sucks.

It really sucks.

Man, that feels good.

FRIEND: Sucking always feels--
ME: Stop right there.
FRIEND: I'm glad you have a mantra, honey. Mine is--'Don't turn the lights on. I have no interest in seeing who I just slept with.'
ME: Can you fit that on a t-shirt?
FRIEND: Honey, I wear clothes from baby gap. I'm amazed I can fit sleeves on my t-shirts.
ME: I wonder if B.I.S. is a way of me giving into anger, because I don't want to do that either and--
FRIEND: Honey?
ME: Self-indulgent?
FRIEND: Mmmmhmmm...

I guess I've used up my 'me' time for the day.

That's fine.

And it sucks.

Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to go make myself a t-shirt.