Today I checked in with some bad thoughts.
By the way, I'm secretly starting to wonder if I sound like a self-help book the more this project goes on. Sometimes I think all those books give you are handy catchphrases, but I'm never one to turn down a handy catchphrase.
So how have I been doing with the bad thoughts?
Not all that bad.
I've managed to cut way down on wishing I could make people explode just by looking at them.
I no longer scream, flair, or wish death upon the person driving in front of me.
(This may also be because my passenger side window went down and won't go up. That makes screaming impossible, and all the other bad behavior seemed to go with it.)
And as far as gossiping...
Okay--gossiping, not so bad.
Talking about people...still pretty bad.
I don't know why I can't kick it.
Most of the time it's because, in my opinion, someone has said something really stupid or downright dishonest, and I feel the need to point it out.
Things only got worse when I didn't respond to something stupid someone said, but instead tucked it away in the back of my head, confident that in a day or so, I would be glad I had kept my mouth shut.
That was four days ago, and I'm still ticked off that I didn't say anything.
I mentioned when I started this that my biggest fear is not being able to express myself, but sometimes I feel like I express myself through others, by commenting on what others have done, rather than just doing something myself.
As soon as I've gone too long without writing or performing, I start turning into Hedda Hopper, and it's not something I like about myself.
So, I'm going to keep working on it.
I know you might be expecting something more definitive than that, but hey, I'm only a fifth of the way through the project--
Cut me some slack ;)
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