Day #90: How Am I Doing?

I decided that with ten days left, I should do a little progress report by asking some of my friends and family whether or not I've actually gotten any nicer over the last ninety days.

Here were the responses:

MOM: You were nice before.
ME: But am I nicer?
MOM: No, not really.
ME: Well, how nice was I before?
MOM: You were...okay.
ME: Okay? So I wasn't that nice.
MOM: You're nice. You're just...you know...
ME: No, I don't. What was I?
MOM: Just...very...opinionated.
ME: That's just a nice way of saying someone is mean.
MOM: Outspoken.
ME: Mean.
MOM: Direct.
ME: Mean.
MOM: You were kind of mean.

. . . . .

BRAD: I'd say you're way nicer.
ME: Aww, thank you, Brad.
BRAD: I hate it.
ME: What? Why?
BRAD: I have nobody to gossip with anymore!
ME: We can talk about other stuff!
BRAD: Are you serious?

. . . . .

GRANDMA: You've always been sweet. You take after me. You got my sweet nature. Now, your mother can be a real bitch.

. . . . .

DAVID: You're not nice. You wouldn't put me in your monologue show.
ME: You wanted to do an impression of the Joker!
DAVID: Oh Kevin, why so serious?
ME: No.
DAVID: Wait, let me say it, then I'll laugh like him. Why sooo serious? Hahaha...
ME: No.
DAVID: And you call that nice?

. . . . .

MOM: Remember when you made that girl at the DMV cry?
ME: We waited two hours and nobody told us we needed the updated insurance! She's lucky I didn't kill her!
MOM: I can still remember her eyes. It was like watching Bambi's mother get shot by the hunter.

. . . . .

BRAD: So can we gossip once this is over?
ME: Brad, I want to become a better person.
BRAD: Do you have to be a better person all the time? Can't you be a bitch on Wednesdays or something?

. . . . .

GRANDMA: Your aunt's not that nice either. She gossips. But then again, that's probably all that medication she's on, but you didn't hear that from me.

. . . . .

DAVID: I can do Goofy.
ME: No.
DAVID: Nixon?
ME: Do you even know who Nixon is?
DAVID: I'm President Nixon. Why sooo serious?
ME: That's the Joker as Nixon.
DAVID: See? I'm putting characters together!

. . . . .

MOM: The guy at the deli, the girl at the supermarket...

. . . . .

GRANDMA: Your uncle's nice, he's just stupid.

. . . . .

BRAD: What if I talk shit and you just agree with me?

. . . . .

DAVID: When I was President, I ordered a hit on...the BATMAN! Hahaha!

. . . . .

Well, at least I know one thing:

My brother is never going to be in one of my monologue shows.

I don't think I'll ever be nice.